Writing on texting

A virtual organization and an expat’s long-distance friendships means my face-to-face meetings and close conversations are sadly infrequent.  So a lot of my business and personal communication is, by necessity, done in writing.  I seldom send anything by postal mail unless it involves requires a real signature on a contract or a significant event, relying mostly on emails for everyday keeping-in-touch. 

For more immediate thoughts, I rely on a messaging app, generally via phone text, Facebook, Skype, or WhatsApp.  I like being able to poke a note directly into someone’s hand, where I’ll get a rapid acknowledgement that they’ve seen it and (often) an immediate answer to a simple question.

But one response begets another, and exchanges quickly turn conversational.   When light and casual, it’s a nice measured way to catch up on gossip and bind a friendship. However, when talk turns to serious or difficult topics, things break down badly.  Misunderstandings occur more frequently in text conversations than in any other medium I use; people’s attitudes and feelings are distorted and my biases and worries sound more pronounced.  And, too often, I end up tediously spending precious face-time resolving the misperceptions.

A few others have also commented on the inadequacy of text messaging for sorting out strong emotions or confrontational questions.  I’ve learned to be more self-aware when approaching that furrowed brow / tensing gut feeling while messaging,  If I don’t stgep back altogether (Let’s come back to this later when I see you?), I have adopted a few guidelines to be mindful of:

• ‘Seen’ means a message has been received by the device, not that it has been read nor considered by the recipient.  Above all, silence doesn’t signify that you’re being ignored or that s message has met with disapproval.
• Remember that texts are time- and location- stamped; they set an unintended context that can change the meaning of words.
• When messages are stark and blunt, they can evoke strong emotions.  Do take a moment and don't react to texts that feel provocative.
• Humor simply doesn’t work in most text conversations, even when punctuated with emoticons.
• Avoid having multiple streams in a conversation. The juxtaposition of comments in one thread with responses from another can lead to bad, bad misinterpretations.  Stick to one conversation, pause occasionally, and sync up regularly: make transitions obvious.
• Check the temperature periodically and give clear signals.  80% of normal communication (tone, expression, gesture, prosody) is lost in texts, and you can get way out of bounds without realizing it.
• Avoid head-down mad-dash typing when feeling strongly.  It’s hard to keep up with, and answers fly off the screen without being read if you don’t stop and look up regularly.
• Let the conversation pull you rather than pushing it in the direction you want it to go.  Stop to trade control of the conversation.
• Watch out for accidently inserting homophones when using voice-recognition (hands-free) transcription, and recognize that cross-cultural differences in vocabulary and nuance can be deadly.